The Day of the Dissonance

Title: The Day of the Dissonance
Author(s): Alan Dean Foster
Release year: 1984
Publisher: Phantasia Press

Why in Database: As in the previous books from Spellsinger series, the Clothahump turtle also plays a role in this – third – volume. He appears mainly at the beginning, most of the book focuses on the journey of the main character and his companions to get a cure for turtle’s disease. From the many scenes with him, we have selected four quotes.

“I’m dying,” Clothahump wheezed. The wizard glanced to his left. ‘im dying and you stand there gawking like a virginal adolescent who’s just discovered that his blind date is a noted courtesan. With your kind of help I’ll never live to see my three-hundredth birthday.”
“With your kind of attitude it’s a wonder you’ve managed to live this long.” Jon-Tom was more than a little irritated at his mentor. “Listen to yourself: two weeks of nonstop griping and whining. You know what you are, turtle of a wizardly mien? You’re a damned hypochondriac.”

Since the onslaught of Clothahump’s pains, Jon-Tom had sung two dozen songs dealing with good health and good feelings. None had produced the slightest effect with the exception of his spirited rendition of the Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations.” That bit of spellsinging caused Clothahump to giggle uncontrollably, sending powders and potions flying and cracking his glasses.

“He would have told us anything known,” Jon-Tom argued. “No reason to keep it from us. What else, Jalwar?”
“There may be nothing there at all.”
“I’ll take Clothahump’s word that there is. Go on.”

“It’s not for ourselves that we come seeking your help,” Jon-Tom told her. “We’re here at the behest of a great wizard who lives in the forest of the Bellwoods, far across the Glittergeist Sea. His name’s Clothahump.”
“Clothahump.” Eyes squinted in reflection behind the granny glasses. She put out a hand, palm facing downward, and positioned it some four feet above the porch. “Turtle, old gentleman, about yea high?”
Jon-Tom nodded vigorously. “That’s him. You’ve met him?”
“Nope. But I know of him by reputation. As wizard’s go, he’s up near the top.” This revelation impressed even the skeptical Mudge, who’d always thought of Ciothahump as no better than a talented fakir verging on senility who just happened to get lucky once in a while. “What’s wrong with him?”

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