Chorus Skating

Title: Chorus Skating
Author(s): Alan Dean Foster
Release year: 1994
Publisher: Warner Books

Why in Database: The eighth, final volume of the Spellsinger series. Jon-Tom is again a protagonist here (as in the first six volumes), and the turtle element appears in the form of the old wizard, Clothahump. He is present only at the beginning of the book, when the heroes go out looking for adventures, he stays at home. Below, typically, a few selected fragments:

Clothahump was not to be found in any of his several studies, nor in the great library. When finally he arrived in the audience chamber, it was clear he had been napping.
“Jon-Tom, what are you doing here today?” He yawned, his beak stretching wide.

“Now that you have broken my concentration, what is it so urgent it makes you forget even Crixxas?”
Jon-Tom looked over at Mudge, who was ignoring him with practiced finesse. Finding no support from that quarter, he looked hopefully at the wizard.
“Really not much of anything, Master.”
“Come come, lad. You can tell old Clothahump.”
“I just did, sir. That is the problem. Nothing’s the matter. Anywhere.”
Clothahump looked dubious. “I fail to see why you should regard that as a disturbing state of affairs.”
“Frankly, Clothahump, Mudge and I are bored.”
“Ah!” The wizard’s face lit with understanding. Which in Clothahump’s case meant it actually took on a slight, pale evanescence. “Adventure selfdenial. A not uncommon malady among individuals of your age and intellectual-emotional type. I, of course, am immune to such juvenile disorders. I presume you have given some thought to a possible course of treatment?”

Clothahump watched them depart, grateful to see the last of them. With Ghorpul engaged in his duties, the wizard was finally able to retire once more to the special room of velvet darkness in which he chose to lose himself in contemplation of the unfathomable mysteries of the Universe. Seating himself in the exact center of the spherical chamber (which required that he hover precisely three body lengths off the floor), he made use of a quantity of drifting powders and potions. Soon the surroundings were illuminated by a nebulous, chromatic blush, which under the wizard’s sonorous, hypnotic urging began to take on substance and form. It was the shape of another turtle: young, lithe (insofar as a turtle could be lithe), decidedly female, and soft of shell. It was a most impressive conjuration, though its inherent philosophical gravity might well constitute a matter for some debate. Proximate to the phantasm Clothahump floated, hands and legs folded in front of him, his largely inflexible face cast in a perhaps less than profound grin… .

He even missed Clothahump’s gruff admonitions and predictably constructive insults.

“That’s that.” Pleased with his effort, the spellsinger shook himself. Maybe he hadn’t toppled any towering ramparts or outblazed an attacking dragon, but as Clothahump often said, any spell you could walk away from was a good one.

Author: XYuriTT

Son of Spellsinger

Title: Son of Spellsinger
Author(s): Alan Dean Foster
Release year: 1993
Publisher: Warner Books

Why in Database: The seven volume of the Spellsinger series, as title suggests, it focuses on the son of the previous main character. As in most volumes, the old turtle appearing here the great sorcerer Clothahump is present only in the initial part of the novel, then the heroes go to adventure, (and sometimes mention him in their thoughts/dialogues) and he stays at home. Below we present a few selected fragments:

“Clothahump and I have some long-term, overdue debtors, but we’ve never used any strong-arm collection techniques. Nothing that would turn anyone vengeful. At least, I haven’t. I can mention it to Clothahump. You know how he can get about money sometimes.”
“The old miser,” Talea muttered.
“With him it’s not the interest. It’s the principal of the thing.”

“Clothahump could do it,” Buncan muttered. “If he was interested in anybody’s problems besides his own.”
Talea whacked him on the side of his arc-inscribed head. “Don’t speak like that about your goduncle. Even if he is a turtle. He’s been very good to your father and me, when he could just as easily have decorporalized us and had done with it, after all the trouble we caused him.”

The owl disappeared. Clothahump finished his tea, then rose with the slowness of great age and stared out the window toward the distant woods. There was no sign of young Meriweather. Clothahump hoped he was on his way home, though that was unlikely.
Well, it wasn’t his responsibility. He had other matters to attend to. There were alcoves and storage chambers inside the tree that hadn’t been scoured in a hundred years. That’s what happened when you put off cleaning for a few decades. Jon-Tom and Talea would have to straighten the lad out by themselves.
Checking the drawers set in his plastron, he trundled off in the direction of his workshop. The tornado ought to be about finished there by now. Have to make sure and empty it outside, he reminded himself.

The Grand Veritable, the merchant Gragelouth had called it. Reality or delusion, it had certainly provoked Clothahump. What could be formidable enough to cause the great wizard to adamantly refuse to acknowledge so much as its possible existence? What could frighten the all-powerful Clothahump that badly?

“Not now.” Clothahump waved magnanimously. “Even absurd tales have their uses. One must balance enlightenment with entertainment. This is fortunate for you, elsewise I might have turned you into a cockroach as penance for interrupting my sleep.” The sloth started, sleepy eyes suddenly wide. Jon-Tom was quick to reassure him.
“Clothahump has a unique sense of humor.”

Author: XYuriTT

The Time of the Transference

Title: The Time of the Transference
Author(s): Alan Dean Foster
Release year: 1986
Publisher: Phantasia

Why in Database: After Clothahump had a fair share in the previous volume, here again, the scenes with him are mostly at the beginning and end of the book. It is also the original final volume – it has a clear conclusion for the adventures of the main character. Six years after this book was published, the author published two more volumes, so it’s not quite the end of the series. Below, as standard, only a few sample fragments.

“The wizard sleeps the sleep of the dead and I know what Sorbl sounds like when he’s drunk. This is different, Jon-Tom. Trust me, I know sounds in the night.”

He eyed her longingly for another moment, then turned and slipped from beneath the covers. Winter was loosening its grip reluctantly this year, so he stepped into slippers and a heavy robe. While Clothahump could dimensionally expand the interior of a tree to provide its occupants with spacious living quarters, he had yet to figure out a practical way to heat one without burning the tree itself to the ground.

At four feet he had to stretch to lean over the back of the chair to which Clothahump was tied. He wore a suit of thin chain mail which jangled as he hopped up and down in anger and frustration. Clothahump had retreated completely into his shell. The wizard’s hands, feet and head were not visible. The guinea pig was leaning over the opening in the top of the shell and screaming inside. Ugly scars showed on his neck where the hair had never grown back.
“Come out of there, damn you! I’m tired of talking to a carapace.”
He started to reach inside with a paw, thought better of it and did not. Then he stepped back and nodded to the civet cat. To Jon-Tom’s Horror he saw that the bucket held boiling hot mud, which the cat was preparing to dump down Clothahump’s shell.
The threat was sufficient to induce Clothahump to slowly stick out his head. He squinted in the light, his hexagonal glasses unsteady on his beak. Obviously he and Sorbl had been surprised while sleeping, before either could take any defensive action.
“For the last time, I am telling you to get out while you still have a chance.” Clothahump sniffed disdainfully. “I am the world’s greatest wizard. Tying me to a chair will not prevent me from turning all of you into walking flagons of pain. I will strip the flesh from your bones, slowly and agonizingly. It is only out of the goodness of my heart and out of sympathy for such blatantly ignorant morons as yourselves that I have not done so already!”

Was he going about it all wrong? But all he knew how to do was spellsing. He couldn’t use potions and powders like Clothahump. What was it the wizard was always telling him? “Always keep in mind that magic is a matter of specificity.”

Putting aside his initial anger, Jon-Tom did just that. It wasn’t easy. He didn’t want to consider the matter logically and dispassionately. He wanted to stomp about and yell and shout imprecations. Unfortunately he knew he was doomed to lose from the start. Not only was Clothahump right, the turtle had two hundred and fifty years of debating experience on him.

Author: XYuriTT

The Paths of the Perambulator

Tytuł: The Paths of the Perambulator
Autor(zy): Alan Dean Foster
Rok wydania: 1985
Wydawnictwo: Phantasia Press

Dlaczego w bazie: The fifth volume in the Spellsinger series. Likeevery book in this series, it features the Clothahump turtle. After two volumes focusing on Jon Tom’s travels, with the turtle only at the beginning, here he is part of the group throughout the whole book, making this volume one of the heavily-turtle volumes. We show only a few sample quotes below:

Wishing for a sudden onset of blindness, Jon-Tom stared around the chamber. Sorbl was not all that had been transformed. For openers, the wizard Clothahump did not live in a rocky, moisture-drenched cave that looked out over an ocean. He lived in a giant oak tree whose interior had been dimensionally enlarged by one of the sorcerer’s spells. The oak grew in the middle of a forest called the Bellwoods, not by the shore of some unknown sea that foamed red instead of white against the rocks.
There was also the matter of the sun’s absence and its replacement by two unhealthy-looking orbs of green and purple. Clothahump himself was a turtle many hundreds of years old, not an arthropod of unknown origin.

“Anyone is capable of anything,” Clothahump informed him sternly. “There is nothing that can be imagined that cannot be done given enough time, devotion, intelligence, and blind luck.”
“So somebody has to find this thing, cope with whatever has it trapped, and free it before we all go nuts. Swell.” Again his fingers caressed the duar’s strings. “So why can’t somebody else do it for a change? Why not send a whole coterie of wizards after this thing?”
“Because, as you well know,” Clothahump said in his best lecturing tone, “I am the most powerful and important wizard there is, so it behooves me to act for the common good in instances where others would have not the slightest inkling how to proceed.”

“That’s what I enjoy about assisting you, Clothahump. You’re always so reassuring about the outcome.”
“Tut, my boy,” the wizard chided him sternly, “you must remain calm in the face of chaos. If for no other reason than to maintain control over your spellsinging.”
” ‘Keep control.’ ‘Stay calm’ Easy for you to say. You have some idea of what we’re up against, and you’re the world’s greatest sorcerer. Of course, you can keep your reactions under control. You’re sure of your abilities. I’m not. You know that you’ll be okay.”
Clothahump’s reply did nothing to boost Jon-Tom’s confidence.
“Are you kidding, my boy? I’m scared shitless.”

“But, Master, I don’t like the cellar.”
Clothahump looked disgusted and put his hands on his hips-well, on the sides of his shell, anyway. Being a member of the turtle persuasion, his hips were not visible.

Around them the forest stood silent sentinel, seemingly unchanged. Before him he saw their campsite and supplies.
Clothahump lay on his back, kicking violently and attempting to right himself.

Autor: XYuriTT

The Cartoonist: Jeff Smith, BONE and the Changing Face of Comics

Title: The Cartoonist: Jeff Smith, BONE and the Changing Face of Comics
Year: 2009
Director: Ken Mills
Cast: Beth Emery, Jeff Smith, Scott McCloud, Colleen Doran, Harvey Pekar, Paul Pope, Terry Moore, Lucy Caswell, Jim Kammerud, Martin Fuller
Genre: Documentary
Country: USA

Why in Database: There’s a fragment of the short film The Pogo Special Birthday Special, showing a turtle.

Author: XYuriTT

The Bits of Yesterday

Title: The Bits of Yesterday
Year: 2018
Director: Darrin Peloquin
Cast: James Rolfe, Dain Anderson, Jay Hatfield, Buzzy Adriatico, Bill Arensberg, Jack Baca, Andy Bogerd, Randy Bruyninckx, Kinsey Burke, Tom Casey, Robert Cavaliere, Billy Chaser, Pat Contri, Ryan Darr, Christian Deitering, Josh Donow, Tony Fresolo, Daniel Greenberg
Genre: Documentary
Country: USA

Why in Database: A film about collectors of retro computer/console games. It should come as no surprise that you can see stuff related to Pokemon (Squirtle appears on the cover of something in the display case), Mario (various figures and “posters”) and Ninja Turtles (T-shirts, pendants, hat, game etc.). In addition, the Turtle Creek location is mentioned.

Author: XYuriTT

Team Hot Wheels: The Origin of Awesome!

Title: Team Hot Wheels: The Origin of Awesome!
Year: 2014
Director: Matt Danner
English dubbing: Ben Diskin, Jessica Gee-George, Grant George, Traian Virgil Georgescu, David Lodge, Nicolas Roye, Faruq Tauheed
Polski Dubbing: Krzysztof Plewako-Szczerbiński, Robert Kuraś, Piotr Bajtlik, Paweł Ciołkosz, Miłogost Reczek, Artur Kaczmarski, Paweł Wiśniewski
Genre: Animation, Adventure, Family, Fantasy
Country: USA

Why in Database: Movie with many turtle elements. In a few scenes the real turtle appears, but most of the turtle elements have to do with the “turtle DNA” one character wants to use – but another thinks that the turtle DNA is the worst (after all, they are racing, fast cars etc., slowness is not what they are looking for). In the end, however, it turns out that this DNA is what saves the situation, turning the opponent’s car into a very turtle-like one.

– Hey, what about some turtle DNA, huh?
– No offense, but turtle DNA is pretty much the worst DNA.
– Not true! Turtles win races, you know. What? You never read the story of the turtle and the hare? The turtle wins. And as for the hare, turns out he was a ghost the whole time.

– There’s only one kind of DNA left. Turtle DNA.
– Oh, yeah, boy! Turtle-Mobile!
– Not gonna work. We need to go fast.

– Can we please just make one more Mutant Machine?Can it be a Turtle-Mobile?
– We’ve been over this, Rhett. Turtle DNA is the worst DNA.

– Maybe we need to make Rev go slower. Slower like a turtle. Brandon, do we still have that turtle DNA?
– Gage, you’re a genius!
– Hello, I’ve only been talking about turtles, like, forever.
– We can use the Hydrator Ray to turn Rev into a Turtle-Mobile. Good thing I packed this portable version of the Ray.
– That’s convenient.
– Giddy-up.
– Okay, I’m locked and loaded. This is only good for about three shots, so we gotta get close.
– And stay steady.
– Oh, I’ll stay steady. Once I’m in range,one zap of this and… Boom! Turtle car!

Author: XYuriTT

Not for Resale

Title: Not for Resale
Year: 2019
Director: Kevin J. James
Cast: Frank Cifaldi, Pat Contri, Jeremy Dunham, Ian Ferguson, Dave Hagewood, John Hancock, Kelsey Lewin, Greg Miller, Andrea Rene, James Rolfe, Joe Santulli
Genre: Documentary
Country: USA

Why in Database: A film about videogame stores, so there were also various turtle elements. As you’d expect, you can spot items related to Pokemon (on the first screenshot, in the background, on the left, there is a faintly visible Squirtle figure, behind Pikachu. Pokemon Blue game with Blastois is also visible later), Mario (stuffed animals and turtle-related prints) and Ninja Turtles (game CD and a fragment of a box).

Author: XYuriTT

The Moment of the Magician

Title: The Moment of the Magician
Author(s): Alan Dean Foster
Release year: 1984
Publisher: Phantasia Press

Why in Database: As in the previous book from Spellsinger series, the fourth volume also features scenes with the turtle mage, Clothahump. As in the third volume, he appears only at the beginning, the rest of the book focuses on the adventures and journey of the main character while the turtle stays at home. Below are some selected quotes.

One who is wise beyond all others, knowledgeable beyond comprehending, stronger even, I think, than this Markus the Ineluctable… i hope. One who is brave, courageous, and bold, an inspiration to all other wizards. It is he whose help we must have: Clothahump of the Tree.”

“I don’t want your potions or prescriptions, Clothahump. I want your wise, sage advice.”
“Really? All right. Get a haircut.”
Jen-Tom moaned. His hair was only shoulderlength, “Not here too. Or do you have a prejudice against fur because you’ve none of your own?”
The turtle looked down at himself. “My, my, so you’ve noticed that, have you? I can’t imagine how one so observant hasn’t been able to win the undying affection of the woman he thinks loves him.”
“It’s not a question of ‘winning,'” Jen-Tom muttered”This isn’t a war.”
“Isn’t it now? Dear me! Perhaps after your first two hundred years you’ll learn to adjust that view.”
“And don’t lay any of that ‘venerable ancient’ shit on me, either! I want your advice, not your sarcasm.”
Clothahump peered over his glasses. “If you want to learn what love is all about, my boy, you’d better learn to handle sarcasm.”

Clothahump sighed, gave him a fatherly pat on the back. ‘That’s all right, tad. We’re all a little overconfident now and again. You were right about one thing, though. If your ladylove were here, I’ve no doubt she’d be impressed with this little floral tribute of yours… if she wasn’t cut to ribbons first. I will say this for your spellsinging: you don’t seem able to do anything in a small way” At least a thousand blossoms of all shades and hues kept them imprisoned on the bed.

“What do you mean *our* supplies, my boy?”
Jon-Tom hailed in mid-stride. “Now, wait a minute.
What about all that business about your being ‘courageous, brave, and bold’?”
“Dear me, is that what he said?” Clothahump was studying the ceiling. “I thought certain he said ‘courageous, brave, and old.’ Because that is an accurate description. In any case, I’m certainly not about to leave my work here to embark on some long hike simply to salve the injured feelings of a deposed wizard. As 1 said, this hardly sounds to me like a crisis”
“No crisis, eh? Some evil sorcerer from another world throws a colleague of yours out of office and is scheming to take over an entire city with who-knowswhat eventual aims in mind, and you don’t call that a crisis?”
“It’s not my city, and I’m not the one who’s been deposed. As for Opiode the Sly’s being a colleague.

Clothahump shrugged beneath his shell. “It’s your neck, my boy. You choose your own companions.”

“I do not play jokes,” declaimed Clothahump with dignity. “Such mundane exercises in plebeian amusement are beneath my stature.” He coughed lighdy. “I do admit to some slight subtle sense of humor, however. At my age you pass up no opportunity for some mild amusement.

Author: XYuriTT

The Day of the Dissonance

Title: The Day of the Dissonance
Author(s): Alan Dean Foster
Release year: 1984
Publisher: Phantasia Press

Why in Database: As in the previous books from Spellsinger series, the Clothahump turtle also plays a role in this – third – volume. He appears mainly at the beginning, most of the book focuses on the journey of the main character and his companions to get a cure for turtle’s disease. From the many scenes with him, we have selected four quotes.

“I’m dying,” Clothahump wheezed. The wizard glanced to his left. ‘im dying and you stand there gawking like a virginal adolescent who’s just discovered that his blind date is a noted courtesan. With your kind of help I’ll never live to see my three-hundredth birthday.”
“With your kind of attitude it’s a wonder you’ve managed to live this long.” Jon-Tom was more than a little irritated at his mentor. “Listen to yourself: two weeks of nonstop griping and whining. You know what you are, turtle of a wizardly mien? You’re a damned hypochondriac.”

Since the onslaught of Clothahump’s pains, Jon-Tom had sung two dozen songs dealing with good health and good feelings. None had produced the slightest effect with the exception of his spirited rendition of the Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations.” That bit of spellsinging caused Clothahump to giggle uncontrollably, sending powders and potions flying and cracking his glasses.

“He would have told us anything known,” Jon-Tom argued. “No reason to keep it from us. What else, Jalwar?”
“There may be nothing there at all.”
“I’ll take Clothahump’s word that there is. Go on.”

“It’s not for ourselves that we come seeking your help,” Jon-Tom told her. “We’re here at the behest of a great wizard who lives in the forest of the Bellwoods, far across the Glittergeist Sea. His name’s Clothahump.”
“Clothahump.” Eyes squinted in reflection behind the granny glasses. She put out a hand, palm facing downward, and positioned it some four feet above the porch. “Turtle, old gentleman, about yea high?”
Jon-Tom nodded vigorously. “That’s him. You’ve met him?”
“Nope. But I know of him by reputation. As wizard’s go, he’s up near the top.” This revelation impressed even the skeptical Mudge, who’d always thought of Ciothahump as no better than a talented fakir verging on senility who just happened to get lucky once in a while. “What’s wrong with him?”

Author: XYuriTT